Our unsubscribe processing center on the Kamchatka peninsula has received your request. It will be transferred by carrier pigeon to Bangalore for verification. Please allow up to 5 years for processing. You may still receive emails from us in the meantime.
Okay, this is unfair because carrier pigeons probably aren’t that slow, but this is the scenario I have in mind when I receive a notification that my unsubscribe request is “being processed” and that it will take days to complete. It’s a computer. It’s a database. This shouldn’t take more than a few milliseconds.